It's the question I get asked the most when people hear I've been with the same person for over two years without living in the same place. I met my boyfriend March 2018, fell in love with him in June 2018 and didn't start officially dating him until December 2018. If you've read my other blog posts, you know that we've never lived in the same place and we're currently not living in the same country. I'm revisiting this question because my baby coming home!!! and we're living within driving distance of each other!!!!! Because of this I've been reflecting on our journey. Our season together has been one that I am so thankful for and that looking back, I wouldn't change anything about.

From ages 16 to 21 I was in and out of very toxic, manipulative relationships. I can blame it on a multitude of things but honestly that's not something I want to get into. People used to make me feel bad for constantly dating but as I've gotten older I've come to terms with the fact that dating is fun, having someone who cares about you is nice, and companionship is natural. In my cases, dating ended up being more so surface level and potentially damaging. I cared about image and the plan I had in my head rather than the person I was executing it with. I didn't want to end things with people because I didn't want to have to go through the whole process again and I enjoyed having a partner. Surprisingly, I actually have no problem being alone, I enjoy my solitude a lot, but that doesn't mean the former can't also be true. I found that when I was in a relationship, I allowed my partners emotions to dictate mine and with the toxic people I allowed in my life, well my emotions were constantly in disarray causing my life to be too.

My boyfriend and I got out of a relationship around the same time, we fell for each other hard and fast (I usually did) but this time was different because it didn't go anywhere. We pumped the brakes, I once, him more than once and were often freaked out about the way we felt about each other. This "pumping of the brakes" I believe set the foundation that we have today. I spent nearly six months loving him from afar, through friendship, texting and FaceTime. We often spoke of the future or simply just talked, then would hang up the phone and go about our lives. For the first time in awhile, I spent time with myself that wasn't just limited to a night alone. I was loving someone and they weren't the center of my world.

Getting to that point wasn't easy, it took a lot of trial, error, tears and not speaking sometimes. However, a few weeks ago, he and I spoke about that first year of knowing each other. I expressed that I'm happy that it took us nine months to decide to really be with each other because I needed that time with myself. I may have not been happy right away, but over time, I found the value in living my life the way I wanted to and loving someone without them being in it every single second. Throughout my life I have been so focused on being with the person I loved rather than being with the person I loved most of all: me.

Growing up you hear "never to pick your college for a boy, never turn down an opportunity for a boy or never make a life changing decision for a boy",  but no one taught me how to simply exist with one. That first year together taught me how I could love someone with all my heart and not have to have them with me in the traditional sense. Loving him has given me freedom and security and ease. I know I can make any decision in the world and I have a partner in my corner who'd support me while I flew to the moon, if I wanted to.

So to answer your question, that's how I do it. I love someone who I have a life outside of and a life with. I love someone whose dreams feel like my own and I want him to accomplish them no matter how far it takes him from me. This level of support and partnership is, for lack of a better word, so dope. As I count down the days until he comes home, I'm excited to see how we grow and adapt next because our journey thus far has transformed me into the best version of myself.

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