I like surprises, a lot, but I am rarely ever surprised. I usually know what gifts I’m getting before I get them, sweet things my friends have planned for me for my birthday, when my brother is hiding behind a wall waiting to jump out-- allathat. Let me not be dramatic; the occasional gift does shock me, the lengths my friends go for me always makes me smile and my brother is able to get a few scares in, yet I am still, rarely ever surprised. I hate it. What’s life without a little shock value? Well, April of 2019, I shocked myself more than anyone’s ever shocked me.

If you know me, you’ve probably heard my life plan about one time more than a million.

If you don’t know me, hi my name is Kayla Myelle (no it’s not my last name, yes, it is my middle name, but if you ask my father its part of my first) and I am going to law school. I don’t know how many times I regurgitated “after I graduate, I’m moving to Washington D.C. and going to either American, Howard, George Washington or Georgetown to study Human Rights --or if I have to settle *eye roll* International Law with a special focus on refugees. After I graduate, I’ll live overseas for a bit doing some sort of humanitarian work *que humble shrug*” at a family gathering. I was shooting for the moon and everyone around me knew that I had every intention of landing on it, Simone Biles style. I’d been regurgitating my life plan for so long that when my college roommate was accepted into a master’s program at Georgetown, I was ecstatic! We’d get to be roommates again! I’d have my person with me! My plan was flawless, airtight, and everything I wanted in life was lining up perfectly. It was until I got those rejection letters….

We’re sorry to inform you… We regret to inform you… We wish you all the best. Rejections started to pour in one after one. I had only applied to four schools so each letter hit harder than the last. I felt the weight of the world looming on my shoulders but at least I still had one more shot. Until I didn’t. I got waitlisted for my “safety” school. A sitting Mayor wrote my letter of recommendation, I surpassed all their criteria and I was diligent in following up. I  felt as if I had done everything in my power; I was heartbroken. The girl who shot for the moon couldn’t even get off the ground. Simply put, I was embarrassed. Even so, I brushed myself off and refused to accept failure, so I widened my scope. If I couldn’t go to Washington, I’d go to Virginia or Maryland…. Okay if I couldn’t go there, I’d go to Upstate New York…. Philly…... New Orleans…...... Georgia…......... North Carolina……....? School after school I was waitlisted.

I couldn’t understand where I’d gone wrong.

I couldn’t understand where I’d gone wrong.  I cried about it. I prayed about it. I was worried about it, but somewhere deep down I felt as if my worry was superficial. I always had an inkling that I’d “get in somewhere”. I managed to keep my head just above water until the day my mom called me and said, “I’m not saying give up, I’m saying start thinking of some other options”. Thinking of other options wasn’t an option for me. I hung up the phone and felt the water began to rise. I was annoyed, but brushed off my annoyance -- my acceptance would come any day now. The next day she sent me an email, all it contained was a link to the Peace Corps application page. I was livid. I no longer felt like I was slowly losing the ability to hold my head afloat, I felt as if I was being pulled under by a riptide. My own mother had given up on me! My own mother wanted me to “look at other options”. Something I could've Googled on my own, she was sending to me... My own mother didn’t think I could do it, so why would the admissions board? Looking back now, my anger was most definitely rooted in fear. I was so angry because I was so afraid. So afraid that I was “wrong”. It wasn’t the first time someone had mentioned Peace Corps to me -- when your interests are rooted in humanitarianism, it's bound to come up. Nonetheless, the Peace Corps was routinely presented to me like it was some hidden gem that I had yet to discover. I just didn't understand the allure. I had no interest once I saw that 27-month time commitment. 27 MONTHS??? That wasn’t a gap year, that was a career change and I had a PLAN. My best friend was waiting for me. D.C. was waiting for me. I told everyone my plan. How could I give up on that? After a week of my mom having no idea that I wasn’t talking to her, I begrudgingly clicked the Peace Corps site. The moment where the clouds parted, and I felt rays of sunshine beaming down on me as angels sang because I found my new calling, never came. There was a lot of grumbling, slamming on keys, and shit talking to my boyfriend. However, an undeniable interest was beginning to grow.

For the next couple of weeks, I found myself revisiting that site every single day. I read up on programming, countries, job positions, time commitments, everything. I clicked every stupid button on that stupid site and slowly, but surely, I fell in love. There was no logical reason why I didn’t get into law school; I was good enough, I was smart enough, I was dedicated enough, but for some reason my plan was just not working out… It was THEN that I had my moment. My clouds parting, rays of sunshine beaming down on me moment, angels singing in the distance moment. Just flip your plan stupid. I had been so focused on doing everything in a specific order, that it never occurred to me that I could move some stuff around. Shocking right? It didn’t occur to the super planner with a type A personality, to amend her life plan. Remember all those paragraphs ago when I told you my regurgitated life plan spiel? My law school then overseas spiel? Well on April 19th I stopped being so anal and flipped the order of my plans.  I made the conscious decision to apply to the Peace Corps, specifically to serve in Thailand doing Youth in Development work. I applied to one of their most competitive countries in one of their most competitive sectors (yes, I give you permission to roll your eyes at the fact that I can’t stop being an over achiever even if I tried).

On April 26th I sentout my application.

On May 20th I gotinto law school.

YA GIRL GOT INTO LAW SCHOOL!!!!!!

And I had 15 days to pay $600 to secure my spot. Now this is the part of the story where if I was actually in denial about going to law school, I would’ve thrown the $600 at them and flew out the next day. But it’s not. I sat with the acceptance letter in front of me and realized; I didn’t want to go to law school as much as I wanted to go to Peace Corps. Don’t get me wrong-- I called my mom, texted my extended family group chat, told my best friend, facetimed my boyfriend and posted on every social media account I have, all in a matter of minutes, but the excitement wore off quickly. I had found a new dream, a new passion and I wanted that more. I was presented with the ultimate "two roads diverged" situation. There was still a chance I wouldn’t get into the Peace Corps; should I turn down law school for a dream that might not happen? I was afraid I’d go from two great options to none at all. I spoke with my parents and I decided that the day before the deadline, I’d pay the money to secure my seat just in case. Me, Kayla Myelle, was being flexible. I still had every intention of going to law school, but preferred to put it on hold for two years until I got this Peace Corps bug outta my system.

On the night of June 5th, I refreshed my email every minute on the minute but the acceptance from the Peace Corps never came. I knew my chances were extremely slim as there was an intended know by date of September 1st, but I had still hoped. That night, with a very heavy hand (I was about to give up $600!!!!) I logged into the student portal to pay my deposit…. and the site crashed. The. Site. Crashed. AND I got locked out. A little box popped up on my web browser and I was instructed that I would be unable to log into my account for 24 hours. I chuckled. Literally, I chuckled out loud. I had gotten into Law School FINALLY; here I was trying to reclaim my plan, but the Universe just wouldn’t let me. The next morning, before work, I called the University, explained my situation and was assured that they’d hold my spot until I could log back in later that night.

An hour later, I received an invitation to serve in the Peace Corps.

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